The Lion's Roar
by Vittrande
Summary: "You don't know anything about me Granger", he slowly said showing his scars along his arms. She was not impressed. "And you Malfoy, don't know anything about me", she whispered before showing him hers. The grey eyes widened with fear and she watched him with tears in her eyes. "Do you get it now?" she asked with a sad face, turning away from him.
1. The lion's roar

Well, I just can't finish a story, can I? Deleting everything. But I will start over with that delightful fantasy of mine. I want to point out that yes, I am experienced in writing but this is not my original language and that will probably be some problems with that. I do not own the original Harry Potter story of course, credit goes to J.K Rowling. In this story I will mix in love somehow, but the main genre is angst. The feeling of not being good enough. To feel so alone even though your friends a swarming around you.

It will be taking place in the start of their seventh year. The year they missed but could do over once more. The first class of them. They had survived the war right? It would be so easy to just drop everything, life. But they all needed their education.

* * *

**Chapter one**

**_The Lion's roar_  
**

_But don't you come here and say I didn't warn you _  
_About the way your world can alter _  
_And oh how you try to command it all still _  
_Every single time it all shifts one way or the other_

The snow sent shivers down her spine. And the girl was not even touching it. The thin wall that was made by her shoes did not help though. The wind was biting, roaring and howling like it was fighting its overman. It screamed after help and pushed away the help that came. It stood alone, whipping the trees with it's strength. But the winner was no one. The loser was everone. Hermiones tears had almost frozen to her face and it looked like it was covered in pearls. Shimmering pearls cut out of diamonds. It was only a few meters to safe warmth but she stood there, watching the war, wanting to see the winner. The snow was lifted up by the winds inferiors and causing Hermiones eyes to instictivly shut tight making the white world become a totally darkness. She stood so in a minute before opening them again the white almost paining her view. The girl stood outside Hagrids hut, slowly watching the winter turn into a monster. A beautiful monster. She was only dressed in a knitted robe, shoes and mittens over her clothes. It was nearly seventeen degrees cold and she really should be going inside. But Hermione couldn't. It was a to powerfull sight. After a while she sighed sadly, whiping away the tears without success. She really didn't want Hagrid to see her like that. In third year she had looked horrible, but not as bad as now.

She turned around, knocking on the huge wooden door. No one answered. Not a "Hello 'ermione" or a huge smile. Only complete silence. Hermione pushed the door in, it was unlocked as usual and the warmth took her off guard. She closed the door, not taking off the wet clothes. It was a fire in the furnace so she knew he was somewhere nearby. The note on the table was carelessly written down. He was in the forest, taking care of the thestrales, making sure that the small ones did not wander off. It didn't matter, Hermione could wait.

It was the third time that week. And it was painful. It had been the same thing as always that made her come into a fit. She had the bouts of anxiety very often nowdays and this was far away from the worst. But it still made her crawl into her bed, crying, wanting to slit her heart out. For everyone else she was the strong, brave companion of Harry Potter. Oh, if they only knew what that summer had done to her. What it had caused her. Dead parents, diagnoses and hate for herself. She lost her parents in a fire. And they didn't even remember her then. They were the Wilkins and they lived in Australia, not a clue about their devistated daughter. Of course she had come to live in her old house. It was to sale once more and she bought it, just to be close to the memories. It was then she was diagnosed with depression, and a few weeks later, anxiety by a muggle psychologist. She had laughed, that was ridiculous Hermione had thought. But then she had not known that in just a couple of weeks her body would be hanging in a noose, almost killing her. She had only a muggle friend to thank. Hermione had her friends in both world but her mind was filled with things that should not be thought. It was spinning around in her brain, making her crazy. She sometimes thought she was better than everyone else, and sometimes she thought so low about herself that she wanted to cut herself into pieces. Of course she could not tell Harry and Ron. What would they say. She couldn't lay that on them. So she played happy, smiled and laughed when they did. Hagrid was the only one who knew except the doctors and her mugglefriend. And she was forever thankful for that. The summer had been painful. Every day she would go to the Burrow or visit someone. And every time that fake smiled convinced them, thinking Hermione was just great. It had almost killed her. And now, she was back at school, back where everyone watched her every step.

She poured herself a cup of tea, feeling herself at home when she touched the tears that now had melted. They started again but she slowly breathed. Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. So. The door opened and Hermione turned her gaze that way. In a few seconds the girl noticed that the man standing in front of her was not her friend but no less than Draco Malfoy. Hermiones body froze and her eyes slowly watched him. He seemed to have the same reaction because he did not move. She realised how ridiculous she must look with tears running through her face. That thought stopped when she watched his face. He had been crying as much as she. The did not say anything at all, but Hermione was the first breaking the eye contact. She could not stand his eyes. They looked through her, saw every single one of her secrets. He watched her but what could he say? What could she say? They had not talked in about a year, she actually thought for one second that he'd left the country. And then, on the first day of their last year he showed up on Kings Cross station without his family, exactly like Hermione. He had been the subject of gossip the whole autumn and Hermione had found herself feeling sorry for him. Malfoy did no longer speak, at all unless it was with his friends. Harry did not talk to him at all, just accepted him and did not go further than that. Ron on the other side did take every chance to talk about him and gossip about Malfoy. How could a boy be so full with shit? Of course Ron was nice, but after the war the loss of Fred was to much. So he started to great the fame that came to him.

The door opened once more and Hagrid brought in a smell of raw meat. He eyed first Hermione, then Malfoy and sighed deeply.

"'Ello both of you. 'ermione, what are you doin' here?" he asked. Hermiones eyes went wider and she noticed a beginning of a smirk in Malfoys corner of the mouth. The note was not for her, was it? She had just drawed conclusions. Looking for a anwser she watched at the tea in her hand. After a few minutes she looked up again, the both men staring at her. She did still not answer but Hagrid understood. His face softened and she closely watched her fingers. They were covered with small freckles, like the rest of her body. She was interupted by Hagrid.

"Again? It's the third time this week. And it's seven' o clock, it's dinner right now. Why aren't you there?" he asked but Hermione did not forget about Malfoy being there. So she whiped away the tears that was left and faintly smiled.

"I should probably go", she said eyeing Malfoy. "Can I come back later?" she asked before the voice cracked and her friend only nodded. She stood up, throwing the other visitor a quick look before going back out in the snow. Hermione noticed the curious look in Malfoys eyes when she closed the door. The girl sighed and the tears started again. What was Malfoys business there anyway? And why had he cried? With the tears in his eyes, the boy looked like a...boy. She pushed the robe closer to her body before running against the castle once more.

* * *

A/N:

This i only the beginning. And I would really liked i you reviewed.


	2. To a poet

**Chapter two**

_**To a poet**_

_Now I miss you more than I can take _  
_And I will surely break _  
_And every morning that I wake _  
_God, it's the same _  
_There's nothing more to it, _  
_I just get through it_

Draco Malfoy stared in front of him with tired eyes. When he walked in he had expected Hagrid standing there, ready to save him from this time. But instead a girl had stood there with a red face and swollen eyes. Draco had always thought that Granger would live happily ever after, but this seemed to prove the difference. What did she do, crying and missing the dinner? He put his face in his hand, slowly breathing in some warmth, even though they already were hot. He felt the giant eyeing him but did not look up. The tears had gone away, yes but he still couldn't breath correctly. The evening had not been good for him.

Under the summer the trials had ended with his father in Azkaban. Of course that's what he'd expected and that he was tolerant of. But Dracos mother had become a lost soul. She wandered around the manor, not talking to anyone. She locked herself in and ignored her son. The days had been long and Draco could not leave the manor by the fear of being recognized by someone. Going back to Hogwarts was as he'd expected it. People stared at him, whispered loudly and everyday he walked alone. That was until Blaise Zabini talked to him. Before they had been, not friends, but acquaintances and Draco was suprised that he wanted to associate with the boy. But they had turned out friends, wich was unsual for Slytherins. But for once Draco was not that alone. But this evening, a boy in _Hufflepuff_ had said something that had made him cry. And it needed much to make a Malfoy to cry. It had been insults to his mother and threats. In the normal life Draco would had said something arrogant or threatened him back. But now he only nodded, turning around.

It was in the beginning of the school year he had start going to the giant. It had started when Hagrid had found him crying in the outside of the woods and brought hi back to his hut. They had talked and Draco had felt better somehow. And then, everytime he got he would go down to Hagrids and spend the holidays there. That until he had seen a special girl there. It had shocked him, to say it so. He couldn't imagine the girl to be in some kind of pain at all.

After a while Draco raised his head, staring at the unkept man. "What did she do here?" he asked with a shaking voice and his eyes was confused, more confused than he actually was. Hagrid sat down and the table swayed, almost spilling the girls cup out. Draco could feel the smell of cinnamon and then watched his friend.

"Can't tell ya that", he grumbled. "Without her permission", he continued and pouring up tea to them both. Draco stared at him, unsatisfied with the anwser.

"Why was she crying?" he asked, being to stubborn for his own good. The boy had given up every chance of being arrogant, as long as he was out of trouble everything would be fine. Hagrid sighed deeply.

"Well, that you'll have to ask her", he said and that meant that the conversation had ended about that topic. _Maybe I will_, he thought, drinking of his tea.

* * *

Hermione stared in front of her with strange eyes. They didn't feel the same. They felt like if they belonged to someone else. The tears was gone, and so was the robes to. She stood in front of a mirror, eyeing the clock. She still had some time to eat. But this time she had not have the chance to talk the feeling off, and it gnawed her to pieces. The girl sighed and put on a smile. Her friends did still not know about her parents or her summer at all. She had visit the Burrow once or twice under it and no one suspected anything at all.

But she was slightly scared of how Malfoy would react on that. She decided that if she did not tell anything, he would not say anything. The girl hurried down the stairs and down to great hall, quickly. Her apperance was somehow sloppy and the bun on her head had dropped a lot of locks that now was in the way of her eyes. When she reached the hall and went inside, no one noticed her. They chattered around. Only Mcgonagall raised a brow at the girls late apperance. Hermione ignored it and sat down at her friends side. Harry smiled.

"We wondered when you would show up. Where were you?" he asked and Ginny slowly watched her facial expressions so Hermione smiled to much just to not be suspicious.

"I read a book and it got to late, sorry for being here late", she explained and her friends that was listening nodded before going back to the food. She sighed with relief before putting some lettuce on her plate. She was not hungry and not at all thirsty after the tea. It felt like her stomach was about to suck her inside herself like a black hole. When she saw Ginnys gaze on her she put on some meat before trying to make a conversation with Ron.

* * *

Of course Ginny had noticed. It was impossible not to. But somehow everbody else looked away, missing it. It had started in the first time for Hermione at the burrow. She had noticed. Noticed the scars that covered her whole body. Noticed the way her face went sad when she thought that no one was looking. The tears she tried to whipe away. But Ginny blamed herself for not talking to her friend. She was disgusted at Harry and Ron for not noticing and for the first time Ginny saw how they locked Hermione out of their life. Before she had always concentrated at Harry or her brother, but now she could not oversee everything when it was clearly in front of her. Her friend stood up, making up an exuse and hurried out, away to the Gryffindor tower, probably to look herself in with a book. The redhead then went after her, catching up after a few steps. Quidditch had made her good.

"Hermione?" she asked and the girl turned around with blank eyes before she noticed her friend.

"Hi Ginny, what do you want? I was just heading for bed. I'm real tired", she said quickly, but Ginny noticed her glance against the outside of the castle. She said the password and they walked into their common room. Somehow Ginny succeded to make them sit down. Hermione looked impatiently at her friend, waiting for whatever she wanted to say. Ginny suddenly felt afraid and worried for her friend. Her heart was beating slowly and she smiled sadly.

"You think I can't see it Hermione? That thing that everyone else misses. You think I can't help you?"

The soft look on Hermiones face went angry and when she spoke her voice was cold and unfriendly.

"Help me with _what_? Do you think I got a problem or something? Why do _you_ feel the urge to _help _me Ginerva?" she asked with a shaking voice wich told Ginny that she soon would be furious, and she was regretting talking to her. But if she had started she would have to finish it to.

"You can't hide away from everyone, putting on that fake smile for the rest of your life. Harry could help you", she said with as calm voice that she could generate. Hermione started to soft, she saw that but she would not speak clearly, not in front of half of the people in Gryffindor.

"Help me!? Yes, he have been very helpful right? Ginny, I love you but this is my thing to handle. I can deal with it", Hermione said like she was trying to convince herself more than her friend.

"Maybe you can and maybe you can't, but at least tell me about it", the girl whispered and Hermione hesitated before answering.

"Probably someday. But not today", she said. "Goodnight Ginny", that was her last words before making her way to the eighth years girls dorm and left her friend without another word. Ginny bent her head down staring at her hands. Tomorrow would be a long day. Soon the curfew would begin and she hurried out in the corridors. It was dark outside and the contrast was even bigger with the light inside. The castle was almost empty except couples and lonely wanderers. She turned into a empty one and sat down, waiting for Harry and Ron to come back from Hagrids hut. They had made their way down there after the dinner. So she sat there, waiting and felt nearly as alone as Hermione did. That until she noticed a figure moving in the shadows against her. When the boy stepped into the light she recognized him as Malfoy with his silver hair. It was no longer slicked back and he looked like he was in the same hurry as Hermione had been. That until he saw her. Ginny had of course heard the rumors about the boy, who did not look like a boy anymore but a young man, but had not moved around him as often as her brother and his friends. She slowly watched him when he nodded at her.

"Weasley", he said, almost polite and Ginny was taken of guard. It was the first time that Draco Malfoy had talked to her, and the first time she had seen him being polite to anyone. She simply stared in front of her, not saying a word and his lips twisted into something that once could have been a smile. Then he walked away and Ginny followed him until he was out of sight. Then she heard someone clear their throat and when she turned around Harry and Ron was standing there. They started to walk back to the Gryffindor tower.

"So, what did the ferret want?" Ron asked. Harry was merely quiet. Ginny shrugged.

"I think he was trying to be civil. He was actually polite", she said quietly when they went inside and sat down in the couch in front of the fireplace where a soft and warm fire was breathing. Now Harry answered.

"Malfoys can't be polite or civil Ginny."

And that was the end of that disskussion.

* * *

A/N: I'm sorry that it's going slow, but I want everyone to have a clear perception of this story before I start making it interesting. In the next chapter there will be more interaction.


	3. This old routine

If you are waiting for Dramione interactions it will take some time before it goes over insults and conversations. But I would really like if you sent me a PM of the good and the bad things, and tell me things that you would love to be a part of the story. Of course I will not use everything but some things could maybe give me some fantasy. Enjoy.

* * *

**Chapter 3**

_**This old routine**_

_So you come on home, walk through the door.  
She's in the kitchen searching through the drawers.  
So you stop and watch her and ask what she's looking for.  
She says she's not sure._

* * *

"You are mad. Completely, utterly _mad_!" she cried out not caring who could hear her. It was the first time in a long long time that Hermione had showed her true feelings. And in a classroom to top it off. It actually felt kind of god to scream at somebody. Oh it had been such a long time since and while she looked completely mad, no one could say something against her. It was in potions and both Slytherins and Gryffindors were staring at her like hypnotized. The girl had been almost invisible this term and it was Harry and Ron who'd been in the spotlight that autumn. This was a shock to everyone. Ron, who was the victim of the screaming was standing stiffly in front of her but did dare to continue the conversation. How dared he?

"I'm merely saying that you weren't at our place all the summer and you have the problem of telling us that we are taking to much place?" he was as much pissed as she, she could se that, but he was also scared of her. Hermione eyes narrowed and only breaths was heard in the room. Slughorn had gone out to fetch a helping teacher and only students had been aware of the argument.

"You_ threatened _a first year with putting them in Azkaban and told them that you could do that because you were Harry Potters best fucking friend!" Maybe it was the cursing or the fact that some people now knew what was going on, but the class let out a small gasp which did not affect Hermione. Harry started saying something but she broke him off.

"And _you_! You didn't even have the decency to shut him up!", she shrieked at the blackhaired boy.

"But he did actually say that it would be better if the death eaters would have killed him!", Ron shot back and Hermione turned her gaze to him.

"His father was freaking killed. What would you expect him to say?! It is still not enough to threaten somebody!"

"But..."

"Oh don't even try! Just wait until I've owled your mother Ronald!" and then everything went silent. In five minutes nobody spoke at all. Hermione turned away from them and tried to concentrate on her potionsbook but the tears gathered in her eyes. It was horrible that it was she who had raised them like children and then this turned out to happen. She loved them and after everything that they had went through she thought that maybe, maybe Ron would be different. Harry was miserable but had still a great relief over himself. He survived and everyday people felt sorry for him. But nobody felt sorry for Hermione. She wanted a person who would give up everything to comfort her and make her feel happy once more. Ginny had tried, Hermione knew but it scared her that the girl knew. The three of them had been through so much, to much for a lifetime. That had been her thoughts that moment in the summer. _What's left for me? _She could not understand how Ron could just stand up and live, like it was the easiest thing ever. Maybe that was his way to push the thoughts away but it still angried her so much.

The silence was broken by Slughorn who opened the door, and like a stone was lifted people started chattering. She watched them sadly. How easy life could be to some people. Parkinson sat beside Parvati and even though they did not talk they did not argue. How could they? It was like the war, the deaths and the sacrifices had never happened. It made her want to cry. _Not in public_, she thought, putting herself together before listening to Slughorn. And the day had only begun.

* * *

After that lesson the day went on pretty much without something interesting. Of course the rumor about Hermione Grangers madness had been spread all over the castle. And Ron had modified it pretty much. They were not talking at all. But Harry, who still had nothing against her spoke to her and for once Hermione felt calm. They were currently sitting in the library reading. She looked up and saw that her friend was watching her. For once the library was full and the only empty places left was beside her and Harry. One of them was usually occupied by Ron, but not this day. And Hermione knew that tomorrow she would probably forgive him and everything would be alright. That did not make her feel better, only worse.

"I promised to catch her up after lunch and take her to Hogsmeade during the break this afternoon", that afternoon all classes had been dismissed because it was time to leave the day after for christmas holidays. Hermione nodded and he hugged her before hurrying out. She continued reading the book and lived herself into it. It was a muggle book that she had brought from her home that was called Abarat. It was absolutely stunning and Hermione stared at the illustrations for minutes and did not notice the noise from a chair pulling in and out and it was a huge shock for her that when she looked up Draco Malfoy sat in front of her, concentrating on his book. There was a small wrinkle on his forehead and he was bent over the book. It was a fascinating view and she stared at him. After a while he noticed and looked up. Hermione quickly looked down and so did he.

"It was quit a show you put up in class", he said, still with his nose in the book. To anyone outside they were not conversing.

"He deserved it", she sneered without looking up.

"I can't argue with that, but I'm curious, why did you react to such small thing?"

"It was not a small thing. It was disgusting and abuse of power."

"Well maybe in your point of view, but if you stand aside from that stubborn head of yours you might see what he meant. Power is a good thing sometimes", at this Hermione raised her head and stared at him.

"Maybe so, maybe not. In this case not. And could I ask you, what you have to do with it?"

"If you can ask me, I can ask you. What do you have to do with it? It was Weasley who did it and it was you who screamed. Where is the logic behind that?", he raised his head and grey eyes met brown in a struggle for power. Nobody won and Hermione was the first to break the eyecontact. The words had truth in them but she was in denial.

"What did you do at Hagrids place?" she asked turning away from him. Almost everyone in the library had gone of to spend their free time somewhere else and they were almost alone except approximately ten people. Malfoy stiffened at that sentence but his face hid his reactions.

"I could ask you the same thing Granger."

"Yes you could, you I asked you first so your answer should be first."

"Why do you think I would reveal my own business to you of all people?" he asked and looked at her with a cold expression. Hermione did not think of who she was talking to and bravely she told him:

"Cause I think you were there by the same reasons that I."

"And what reason would that be?" he asked, smirking when she realised that he had turned the conversation to his advantage. She cursed inside of her. She would not let that happen again.

"Well maybe you are right. I should not reveal my secrets to people. Goodbye Malfoy", and with those words she stood up, collected her books and strode out from the library. She did not come far before Malfoy caught up with her. He went beside her and Hermione was happy that the corridors were nearly empty. He stopped her and turned her against him and in the corner of his eye she saw a devilish glimt. His hand had her wrist in a tight grip which hurt. But Hermione did not let it show.

"What about making a deal Granger? Tell my why you were there, and I tell you my part. Nobody tells anything."

Hermione thought of it. She could not trust him, she knew that. But if it got worse she could obliviate him. And it would be a relief to tell somebody. She nodded and he looked surprised.

"Where can we talk?" she asked and took in a big amount of air in her lungs to not collapse. Malfoy thought.

"What about the edge of the forbidden forest?" he asked with a unsure look in his face. Hermione swallowed the air and counted to ten before answering.

"Seven o' clock near Hagrid's."

* * *

A/N: Now the story has begun and I hope you don't think that it's going to fast.


	4. Heaven knows I'm miserable now

**Chapter 4**

_**Heaven knows I'm miserable now**_

_In my life  
Why do I give valuable time  
To people who don't care if I live or die ?_

* * *

The forest was white and the snow convered the treetops like a blanket. It looked so peaceful, like the world was sleeping. Breathing slowly and relaxed. But Hermione didn't feel relaxed. Her body was tensed and the eyes flickering between the woods with a huge speed. It was ten minutes until seven and even though it did not snow like the day before it was chilly. She wrapped her arms around her and bent down her face to the scarf she was wearing. It was first when she heard footsteps that she looked up. Malfoy was stroding forward and looked like some kind of ghost in his black clothes and pale skin. This did not help Hermione to relax. Malfoy soon stood in front of her and she nodded as a salutation.

"It's to cold to talk here", she spoke after a while and he nodded in agreement.

"We should go a few meters into the forest", he said with a polite voice that made her shiver by surprise. Hermione almost smiled.

"What would people think if I went in with the person they recall as enemy into the forest?" she asked with a low voice and he raised his brows before going inside. The trees almost attenuated his answer.

"You just have to trust me."

That didn't make her feel so much better and with a scared heart she followed him. The treetops was close to eachother and there was no snow inside. Hermione sat down a few meters from Draco in a damp place. But it was better than the snow. The girl took off her mittens and heated her hands by blowing on them. She knew she could use magic, but this felt more real. After a while she looked up at Malfoy who watched her with a unreadable face.

"I don't recall us deciding who should start", she said with a mocking voice and his eyes narrowed but Malfoy still held his head high.

"I don't think it's more than right for you to start."

"I can't trust you", she said. Malfoy stared at her.

"Neither can I."

And that was when Hermione decided to start. And he realized it because Malfoys face was pleased and he leaned against a tree before crossing his leg and waiting. It made her irritated but the girl took a deep breath and began.

"I actually don't know how to start this. I'm real scared of telling anyone about this. And now I'm telling _you _of all people. Don't take it as a appreciation of some kind. I do not like you and I'm swallowing my dignity when I'm saying that you might understand", Malfoy listened but did not say a word so she continued. "I understand that it's hard for people to move on and it scares me that some of them have it so easy. They push it away. My parents died. And they didn't even remember me. To them they were Wendell and Monica Wilkins without a daughter. I actually thought that I could find them and restore their memory. But before that they died. In a car accident. Isn't life cruel? I didn't want company with anyone, what can you do? And I started visiting a psychologist. It's people that you can talk to about your life. Of course I didn't tell them about the wizarding world or the war but it still helped. For them I was one of thousand teenagers that had problems. I was nothing special. They told me that I had anxiety and depression wich I didn't believe. In seven years I had suffered from that and first now I would seized depression? It didn't seem logical. I talked to one of my friends outside this world. She's a muggle but one of my childhood friends. And when you live alone and don't want to visit people thoughts come up. Thoughts that make your head explode", Hermione thought of how much she could tell him and decided to tell him everything. It wasn't like she talked to him at all. Her gaze was on the trees but he listened.

"How much one summer can change something. I couldn't believe how everyone could continue living. My friends took a step over it. Of course Harry has remaining damage but even he seems kind of happy. I...I wanted to die. Life hadn't much to offer me and without my parents who always had been the ones that hugged me when I felt awful I think I went mad. Well, my body has the proof on it. That friend, I talked about came to me exactly when I tried to...to...", Hermiones voice broke and she broke out in sobbs. If you recalled something all at once your heart would she felt it. Hermione raised her head and watched Malfoys reaction. He sat still but then watched her with something that was a sad smile.

"You're right. Life is cruel."

"Your turn Malfoy. I have told you mine story, now tell me yours."

Malfoy almost-smile dropped and his face became sad. It was weird to see the boy who had destroyed her life for five years sad. Not angry, not mocking, not terrified. Just sad.

"You Granger, are to curious for your own good. But fine I will tell you my story", Hermione waited for him to start but instead he slowly watched her. She felt uncomfortable by his gaze and turned away. She had told Harry and her friends that she would be missing dinner. Ginny had looked at her with disbelief but thank godness, she had not said a word about it. It felt strange talking to Malfoy, to se him so vulnerable. But Hermione knew that she was as exposed as he.

"Are you going to tell me or shall I get myself a book to pass the time?" she did not mean for her voice to sound so dripping with sarcasm but somehow that was what happened. Malfoy sighed.

"I am thinking of how to begin such a conversation Granger. It does not appear that the war made your mood better", he said but she knew that her words had affected him as much as it had affected her. But she had learned to push the feelings away for a few seconds and even thought that her eyes were read Hermione waited for him to explain. He realized that she was not going to talk.

"I never wanted to become the monster everyone thinks I am. When I was a child I grew up with my fathers thought imprinted in my head. For me it sounded like a dreamworld. A world without mudbloods. I saw up to my father and my mother loved him. And I loved her. But then we started at Hogwarts and I was confused. You, a muggleborn was better than me in all aspects and I began to doubt my fathers words. But I couldn't turn back. And when a dark lord ask you to do something you don't have much choice than to do it."

"You always have a choice."

"Maybe so but I believed that I didn't. So I did everything I was asked for but it was painful. Aunt Bella thought that she could blackmail me by nearly killing my mother. I was happy, or relifed when you and your friends won. Of course I had expected everyone to hate me, that I could take. My father went to prison, what else could you expect and I was happy about that until my mother broke down. She locked herself in, missing my father so much. It was like I didn't exist. I went back here and expected that it couldn't be much worse. That's always it. You expect to be okay but i never is. You think that all that happens to me is words behind locked doors but that's not it. No one in my own house will talk to me, and if they do they are supporters of the dark lord. I was happy when I found a friend, but still everyday people hurt me. They think I am so strong and so evil that they can't see that it is a human they are hurting. And that they are no better than the death eaters themself",Malfoy went quiet and Hermione breathed in the cold voice.

"Life sucks", she said and leaned against the tree behind her. She didn't know what to say. He nodded and Hermione smiled. She felt a bit better.

"Will you tell anyone?" she asked with concern in her voice. She didn't want this to come out. Maybe to Ginny someday. Malfoy pulled a white hand through his hair and grinned.

"Deal. But if you don't mind Granger you are a good listener. So what do you say about meeting at the giants place every Tuesday?" He sounded kind of shy about asking that so Hermione nodded.

"I would like that Malfoy."

"Please, call me Draco", he said and Hermione almost burst out in laughter. It had gone years since she had heard that name.

"Well okay _Draco_, but then you'll have to call me Hermione", he snorted.

"Yeah, sure Granger. See you on Tuesday", and off he went, stroding out of the woods leaving Hermione alone watching him as he turned smaller and smaller until he disappeared. _Tuesday?_ she thought. But it was the christmas holidays next week. He couldn't possibly mean that...?

* * *

Draco moved forward in the snow, leaving huge traces. He had been fascinated to hear the girls mind in words for once, and when he had heard it, it was so sad. He felt good somehow, keeping her secret and knowing that she would keep his. He hoped so.

Every year he had went to Hogwarts Draco had been visiting his parents at christmas. For once he wouldn't. He would spend it with Zabini and(it now seemed so) Granger. He knew that she would say no to everyone who asked her to join them and going home was no option. She had no parents anymore, just like Draco.

He hurried down to the dungeons and stood in front of the wall.

"Emerald green", he said and entered the common room. It was nearly empty because people were packing their belongings. Blaise would not go home because his mother had fled to France when her husband had died. Draco sat down in an empty couch in front of the fireplace, warming himself. He was still dressed in his black cloak when Blaise and Theodore Nott came down from the boys dormitory. Nott seemed to be in the mood for some girls and he sat down with a bunch of them, chattering. In fifth and half sixth year that had been his priorities, but now it seemed like all the girls he attracted were mentally disturbed or just somehow attracted to his looks and "bad boy"(Hah!) attitued. I was funny how after dumping Pansy in fifth year he couldn't seem do get someone to really like him. Draco had actually given up all thoughts of settle down. The Malfoy and Black line would end with him and that would be good enough.

Before his father had been put in prison he had made plans of an marriage between one of the Greengrass sisters and Draco. Then he'd been expecting and accepting it but now it was out of his sight. Of course Daphne and Astoria hadn't gone back to Hogwarts. They were to embarrassed. Oh, Draco wanted to see the look on the poor girls faces if they saw him.

Blaise sat down beside him and gave him a funny look when he saw that Draco was dripping wet of the melted snow.

"Seems like you've been outdoors. What were you doing?" he asked and Draco sighed. He couldn't tell the truth. Before he used to lie so much he could, most on his fathers command. But after the event of his fathers arrest Draco had only talked if he needed, and then told the truth.

"I needed the air Zabini. Can't stand these idiots tracking me down. And the funny thing is that they actually think that they are being original", he sneered and Blaise laughed loadly. Draco felt better.

"What were you and Nott doing?" he asked. Theodore and Draco were not best friends. They accepted each other but they were far from friends. Blaise leaned forward so that the fire sent a light on his face.

"Nothing actually. He asked were you were and I told him I didn't know."

Draco nodded, telling him goodnight before going up to continue reading his book before going to bed.

* * *

Blaise stared after him before swallowing. It would be so much easier if Draco just noticed him and asked him for help. It was something wrong with Draco this year, something unspoken. In the years before he and Draco had been acquaint but not exactly friends. Pansy and Theo had been his friends and because Pansy was with Draco, they had been some sort of gang. The problem was that they didn't hang around each other so much. Pansy had been back this year like everyone else(except the Greengrass) but had avoided their company and sitting with Millicent and sometimes Theo. No one noticed her. Blaise felt sorry for Draco who had to put up with the words everyday. He had tried to yell back but they were far to many. The Ravenclaws were the only ones that had been kind enough to talk to them, and a few of the Hufflepuffs. But even the _Hufflepuffs _made fun of them. It was just wrong. The rivalry between Gryffindor and Slytherin were now something that Blaise called cold war. No one made an attact that would get them in trouble but they pushed the Slytherins aside and that was their dark side. Of course it was not only the Gryffindors that went with profit. It was nearly only Draco who didn't say anything and that was what seemed to annoy the Gryffindors even more. Last night Zacharias Smith had went over the limit. He had threatend Dracos mother and that was when the boy had snapped. Smith was taken to the hospitalwing and Draco had received two weeks detention and twenty points were taken by Mcgonagall. Blaise had been happy that she was at least kind of fair. Still, he was one second from tearing out Weasleys insides when he had by "mistake" knocked Blaise over at the quidditch practise when Blaise had been watching his friend.

* * *

Well, I'm very bored these days. And I am so sorry for the spelling mistakes. Like I wrote, english is not my original language and I'm young. Hope you liked this part.


	5. The furthest star

**Chapter five**

_**The furthest star**_

_The furthest star in the sky, well that's the one that passed me by. I  
Tried to wish upon that star, it didn't get me very far._

_ It fell on empty ears, it fell on empty hearts. And my dreams, they fell_

_ Apart._

* * *

Hermione stared in front of her, wondering if her ears had some problem or if the words she'd just heard was correct. They were all sitting in the great hall and the whole Gryffindor table was staring at her and her friends. Even the rest of the room started to turn their heads to to find out what had happened. _You got to be kidding me_, the mantra in her head continued. And then she uttered the most stupid words ever said in Hermione Grangers life.

"What?" she said with an empty voice staring at Ron who just had gotten more read than ever. "_ .What_?" she developed her sentence with a cold voice and now the whole hall was quiet, wating for Ron to say something. He looked nervous and scratched his head with a hand before answering.

"We went to visit you but you weren't there and neither was you're parents", he didn't even notice that Hermione flinched. Git. "So we kind of went inside and we found some intersting things", Hermione was furious and stared at him, as the rest of the people. Even the Slytherins stared curiously at them.

"We didn't mean for it to happen but we thought that you had been robbed. There was nothing there except in your room. We wanted to clean up but then your friend came in", Hermione didn't blink. _You got to be kidding me_, she thought once more. This was not god. She was one second from strangeling him. "Black hair with blue slings, short. She kind of went in when we was cleaning up your room with magic. And she saw it. We tried to obliviate her but there was some kind of shield there. So we brought her to the ministry of magic and they named her Louisa. We found out that you put them around her. Why would you care to put up something like that? We couldn't use legilimency, why?" Ron watched her and so did everyone else. Hermione sighed with relief. They had worked. But Louisa was still there.

"Where is she?"

"You didn't ans.."

"_Where _is she?" she raised her voice with strength and Harry took over, trying to calm her without success.

"McGonagall took her in. She's staying her for a while when Flitwick examines her brain."

"You fucking got to be kidding me. You broke into my house and then brought a perfectly innocent person here?! Harry, I'm this close from killing you right on this spot", she showed a small space between her fingers and Harry hesitated.

"But what the hell did she do there, and in an completely empty house? Hermione, you haven't told us anything all this summer. What's wrong?" he asked and Hermione glanced at Ginny who tried to not look guilty. She was the one who had told them that something was wrong. Without that, Harry and Ron had just ignored it without making this kind of scene. She took a deep breath.

"I'm going to visit my friend now. And when I return I will torture you two", she pointed at Harry and Ron and then turned to Ginny. "You're dead Ginevra. Everyone else, just fuck off and mind your own business", she stood up and almost ran out of the hall. Louisa was there. Oh fuck. She heard they talk behind her but Hermione didn't care for that moment. She ran, upp the stairs and down until she reached Mcgonagalls office. The with opened the door.

"Were is my friend professor? My friends told me that you knew. I would really like to talk to her and professor Flitwick."

Mcgonagall nodded but didn't say anything. She only led the way to the hospital wing and into a special section. There, on a white bed black, short hair was spread around. She seemed to be alive and perfectly fine. But when Hermione walked in and caught her eye, Louisa stared.

"YOU! You didn't have the decency to tell me that you're a fucking wizard! And here I was your friend in _TEN _years. Yeah, and this is what I get?"

Hermione listened and then sighed. She sat down at her friends bed and smiled. "I have missed you real much", that was all she said and Louisa smiled and hugged her. "I'm still mad", she whispered but with a soft voice. Hermione lent back.

"Have they told you what they're going to do with you?"

"Something about obliviate or something like that."

Hermione took a deep breath.

"They are going to delete your memory", at this Louisa looked mad and stopped Madam Pomfrey. "Is this true?" she asked. "I really don't want someone to fucking wave a stick at my head and delete the best thing I've heard in a few years."

Madam Pomfrey looked uncomfortable and Hermione smiled. That was her friend. After a few minutes she answered.

"That's necessary, yes."

"Can I speak with the headmaster a second?" she asked. Madam Pomfrey nodded and disappeared. Louisa turned to her friend. "How are you doing?" she asked. Hermione gave it a thought and decided not to tell Louisa about Malfoy. Instead she told her about her friends, Ginnys thoughts and about Hagrid.

"You putting up with a scene? I would so like to see that."

"Every student in this school was watching. If I put you in a classroom now, everybody would stare at you for the rest of the day. And me to for gods sake." Hermione scowled and Louisa snille sadly. "I will talk to the headmistress about this situation, but I don't know what's going to happening with you"' and she knew that that was a conversation the girl would not forget.

* * *

Sorry for the short chapter. I'm going to start at new story with Tomione and Dramione. Review if you would like to have the link.


	6. Ghost Town

**A/N**: So sorry. I haven't had much time over with friends and travelling. And this chapter will be short to. Oh, I feel like a terrible person. But I hope you enyoy.

* * *

**Chapter six**

_**Ghost town**_

_If you've got visions of the past  
Let them follow you down  
They'll come back to you some day  
And I found myself attached to this railroad track  
But I'll come back to you some day  
_

* * *

Hermione had never felt that scared and shook. Her friend was in Hogwarts. Great. Just great. A muggle. She was completly terrified. After talking to Louisa in another hour, she had made her way to the head mistress office. Professor McGonagall welcomed her with a wrinkle and Hermione felt like her head would pop open. The girl was going mad.

"Would you like some tea miss Granger?" she asked and Hermione nodded. She needed something to relax and tea was the closest to morfine in that moment. When they sat down in the office(that hadn't changed that much), Hermione started.

"I don't know what could have got into them. I haven't communicated with them of course but this was just horrible. But don't blame Louisa. She just wanted to check me in. I-I I haven't had the best summer and she got worried."

McGonagall nodded but still looked very concerned. Hermiones leg started shaking and she knew that a new panic attack was coming. Her heart raced up, making her chest feel like a cloud that was slowly tearing apart. She soon couldn't feel her stomach and her shoulders tensed. The professor didn't notice, but instead had a thoughtful face. After a while she answered.

"I..think that we can make an arrangement. Your friend can stay here at Hogwarts until another solution comes up. This is very serious. It's been nearly a decade since a muggle that weren't a realtive knew about the wizarding world."

She seemed to think that Hermione would feel better but the panic in her rose. She excused herself and hurried through the corridors. It was nearly three pm but she had already missed all of her classes. People stared at her curiously when the girl that had been the afternoons subject of gossip, ran through the halls with a crazy face.

The snow hadn't melted and the wind was almost worse than the last nights. Hermione dragged herself forward in a fast pace until she reached Hagrids hut. She knew that he was having a lesson, but she opened the door and started shaking anyway. Then the sobs came and Hermiones petite body started shaking. She wanted to scream but was afraid that someone might hear her. She threw her cloak of, staring at the old scars before starting to rip them apart. At first it was only some simple scratches but after a few seconds they started to bleed. The scars opened up and let out all of her anguish in a flow of dark, red blood that soaked her robes. Hermione sat down in fetal position and put her head in her arms. The tears mushed up with the red and soon the girl sat in a puddle of fluid. She couldn't believe them. Harry and Ron supposed to be her best friends. And Ginny...couldn't that girl just leave her alone? Let her work with everything herself. That was why she preferred Lou over Ginny. She didn't tried to meddle with things. She just was there, comforting her. Hermione started to cry even more and her skirt went up and showed the other scars. With disgust Hermione started to rip even them. After a while the tears was over and she just breathed and breathed. Her heart was still racing. It was horrible. To breath, but still not getting enough air.

Hermione heard a chair risp and turned around to meet a pair of grey eyes, staring at her with sadness.

* * *

Draco had witnessed the scene in the Great hall. Some seemed to think that Granger was overreacting, and Weasel and Scarhead seemed to think that they had done nothing wrong. Of course he had to smile at Granger yelling at them. After a while, when everyone was gossiping in hushed tones, he had gone back to breakfast when the owls arrived. When he saw the adress Dracos smile faded and he opened it with worry.

_Dear mister Malfoy._

_It hurts us to tell the news this way, but we couldn't contact the head mistress in time. We are sorry to tell you that your mother passed away this morning. She seemed to be dealing with grave depression and a house elf found her hanging in your dining hall at Malfoys Manor. Your father in Azkaban has left the money in your posession during his penalty. We'd like if you contacted us as soon as possible so you can prepare the funeral. Once again, we are so sorry._

_Albert Mune, S:t Mungos Hospital_

Draco had gotten a shock. His whole body started shaking and of course the Weasel thought that was the moment to screm '_Hey Malfoy! Someone of your whores gotten pregnant?'._

He had spent the rest of the day in Hagrids and had not expected a broken down Granger rushing inside, not even noticing him and starting crying. Draco was horrible with crying people. Hell, he couldn't even make himself stop. He stood up and Granger twitched. When she saw him her eyes grew wider with some kind of fear. He sat down and awkwardly put an arm around her. She winced at the touch but she soon started crying again. He put his face at her hair and started crying himself. She smelled like lavender and lemon, like the perfume Dracos mother used to wear.

If someone opened the door they had been shocked. The Gryffindor princess and the Slytherin prince, clinging to each other, crying. And they didn't stop. Even after the tears stopped coming they just sat there, in each others arms, breathing. And Draco admitted that it felt good. He stared at her with something new in his eyes and didn't see the strong, impossible Hermione Granger. He saw a human being that couldn't handle life anymore. Then she shocked him with talking to Draco.

"Life is one son of a bitch", and that was it. She was silent and he realised that she didn't knew why he was crying. And still she comforted him.

"My mother died today", he surprised himself by saying and Hermione flinched and stared at him with worry. "She hang herself."

And after that, he went quiet. Hermione just buried her face in his chest and put to arms around him and Draco realised that this was one of the few moments in that year that he had felt completly calm.


	7. If I Burn

I will try to make this a long chapter, okay? Kisses.

* * *

**Chapter seven**

_**If I Burn**_

_I could beg a thousand times  
I could explain, I could use rhymes  
And rhythms meant to catch your eye  
But I know you won't see  
I could cry a thousand tears  
I could appease your secret fears  
But the louder that I scream  
The harder your machines close over me_

* * *

Hermione felt some how soothed by his smell. It was musky and his cologne was enchanting. She buried her face in his shoulder. His mother had just died. Her problems seemed so petty compared to that. But she couldn't ignore that she still couldn't breath properly. It felt like her heart almost died while pumping out blood to her body. It craved so much. She didn't know how long they sat there. All Hermione cared about was how good it felt to be in someones arms. Ginny couldn't do this and she felt guilt over it. And Harry and Ron. They just...Hermione couldn't believe it. _This is some kind of realityshow were everything is fantasy, it can't be real_, she thought and the tears came over her again. Her parents death hadn't been to horrible. It had been after Voldemorts death. But she hadn't even been able to say goodbye, to tell them that she was their daughter. She remembered their faces when her mother had made breakfast during the summer and asked about her friends. She had felt wrong not being able to tell them about what she was learning. But they were always so kind. During Hermiones nights she used to imagine the fire burning them. Her father protecting her mother, their panicking faces. Hermione took a harder grip around Malfoys arms and breathed faster.

"Malf...I mean Draco. I'm so sorry about your mother", her voice was weak and only a whisper. But in the silence it was heard clearly. She felt Malfoy moving and breathing, but she held her eyes closed.

"I blame her. She was weak. Why did she need to..." his voice broke and Hermione stroke his arm. Her mind hadn't grabbed hold of that this was Draco Malfoy in front of her. It felt so good. They were silent for a while.

"Does it feel good to hurt yourself?"

It was a pathetic question but he still asked it. Hermione thought of an answer.

"It doesn't hurt. It just give you relief. I can breath and I can live a little while longer."

He nodded and held her tightly to his chest. Hermione had never felt that needed by somebody. They were dependent of each other that moment. They needed each other not to break.

"Your mother was a good person. Did she tell you what she did for Harry?" He shook his head. "Voldemort -he flinched at the name- thought Harry was dead and asked your mother to check. She knew that he was alive and asked if you were safe in the castle, alive. He said yes and your mother lied to Voldemort. Just to protect you. Without her, everything would have been lost."

She stopped and breathed, just to hear Draco starting crying again. She wanted to protect him from whatever that hurt him and the insight surprised her but it felt right. After a while they let go of each other and just stared at the floor.

"Do you want some tea?" she asked and he nodded. After spending so much time at Hagrids Hermione knew were everything was. She put to cups out and sat the teapot on the stove filled with water. She sat down at the table and watched the boy. His hair was messy and his eyes red and swullen. He looked so vulnerable, like a child without its parents. But that was what he was, right? That was what they both were. She sighed and the water started boiling. She took the pot and poured it into the cups and put to teabags in them before handling one to Draco, who still was sitting at the floor. Hermione stared at her arms. They blood had dried and her arms looked like someone had painted them. She sat down her cup and put a simple scourgify over her arms and legs. She realized that her skirt was unfolded at her thighs and she hurried to put them straight. Draco was just staring into the cup so she slid down at the floor and looked at him with a mild expression.

"Drink up", she encouraged him and he looked more than ever as a lost child. Hermione sighed and lifted the cup to him. He just watched her and highered a eyebrow.

"Granger, I'm not a child. I can drink my tea by myself", he said proudly wich made her smile sadly at his atempt to mockary. When she still didn't let go of the cup, he took it from her and they both winced when their hands touched. It was a different thing from before when they were comforting each other. This was human contact, and none of them liked it.

Hermione glanced at the huge treeclock and sighed. It was nearly five. Her friends would be crazy. And she needed to visit Louisa..Louisa. She jumped up and put her cloak on. Draco just looked at her, confused and she helped him up.

"Come on, we are going to visit an old friend of mine."

* * *

Louisas room was at the Gryffindortower left so they needed to sneak around not to be noticed. The door was black with a silver ring on it. Hermione gently knocked it. A centaur turned up and watched them with narrowed eyes.

"Password?" he asked with a sly voice and Hermione tried to remember what McGonagall had said just before they left. Draco was shaking of cold and they needed to get in before anyone saw them.

"Rabbit heart."

Of course, Louisa had chosen her favourite song as a password. The door opened and revealed a small room with a large roof with a nightsky on and a welcoming fire beside the bed and the chairs. Louisa was laying in her bed, staring at the roof with her black and blue hair, spread over the pillow. When she realized that Hermione was their, she jumped up and came to hug her.

"I didn't think you were coming. It's amazing here. Did you se the elfs? They are so cute. One named Aurora came up with tea to me. Thank you so much for letting me borrow your book collection", she babbled away but stopped as soon as soon as she saw Draco. She stood on the toes and whispered to her friend.

"Who's this handsome darling?" she asked and eyed Malfoy with a hungry expression, wich made both Malfoy and Hermione uncomfortable. Louisa didn't notice. "Hermione, sweetheart. You got excellent taste in men."

Hermiones eyes grew wider and Malfoy smirked. He seemed to be on better mood.

"He's not...we are not...Louisa, just get us a blanket. He's freezing to death." Louisa laughed and the two others placed themself in two of the three armchairs in front of the fire. Malfoy seemed to recover from his break down but was still to quiet. Louisa returned with _two _blankets and they excepted. She sat down in front of them and eyed Malfoy closely.

"Okay, what's your problem? You look exactly as Hermione here did all summer. Do tell me", the words were rude but her voice concerned and so was her eyes. Malfoy stared at her.

"Nothing's wrong. Granger, why the hell are we here?" he asked and turned to Hermione. She just sighed and stood up.

"Talk."

She left them and went to the bathroom. It wasn't big but had a bath and sink. The mirror showed a tired girl with dark rings under her eyes and almost white skin. Her hair had grown down to her back but was as frizzy as always. They eyes had something desperet in them, under the hazel brown. She looked like a mix between a women and a child. It made her annoyed. She wanted to be old, so old that she could watch the world with other eyes and die. She was to young and had seen to much for her age. Hermione sighed and washed her face with cold water before sitting down at the floor. She knew that Louisa would take a while to do her magic and she was just going to have to stay there.

Hermione wondered what her friends was doing. Ron was probably hanging with his fans, and Harry was hiding with Ginny and wondering what the hell was wrong with Hermione. And Ginny was going to expose her. She really didn't want to go back to their commonroom and face them and their accuses.

'Hermione, how are you?' 'Hermione, talk to us' ' Please, what the hell was that?' 'Tell us, who is she?'

She couldn't take it. On the short way to Louisas room she had heard enough gossip for a lifetime. About her. It seemed like Ron had asked half the castle for her, and even the teachers had been shocked because she hadn't showed up. It was horrible. She didn't care about what other people thought. She just didn't want to be bothered by them. Ron loved the attention they got, Harry was used to it. But Hermione hated being stopped in the Diagon Alley by people who wanted an autograph. By her. What she had done wasn't something to get awarded for. It was something you needed to do. They wanted to give awards for killing. Ron didn't realize that. He enjoyed it to much, to attend the galas. Hermione hated to dress up. She much rather wanted to sit in her couch, reading a book or watching muggle television.

She could hear them talking and she knew that Louisa would make him feel better. She had that ability. They had befriended each other in her muggle school. Hermione had been an outcast because she made weird things happen. One time, she sat fire on a boy that had teased her. Louisa had always been there, as a friend. Of course, after the years went Louisa had a lesbian phase wich involved a lot of whiskey and a few kisses. But enough about that. Louisa was one of her best friends, better than Ginny. No one could beat the young Harry and Ron, but now...Yes it wasn't the same as before.

She decided that it was time to get out again.

Louisa was sitting in her chair and Malfoy was crying. The girl eyed Hermione to do something and she sat bent down and hugged him. Malfoy didn't seem to notice but he stopped crying.

"Thank you", he said. Hermione didn't know to who. But it still felt a warm feeling through her body. Louisa dragged her away a few meters and her face was serious.

"He's worse than you. The poor thing is just better at hiding it. Don't leave him."

Hermione stared.

"We aren't friends Lou. I don't know what to do."

"You seem to know each other pretty well." Hermione didn't answer. "I think they said that I'll be here a few months until the court says that it's okay. You can come here. He have som friend I think that he was talking about. Blaise?"

"Zabini", Hermione said shortly. They used to nod in hello to each other but weren't friends exactly. "I will see what I can do."

Louisa nodded and turned around to go but Hermione stopped her.

"Lou, I-I- I'm sorry", she said with a weak voice and the girl smiled at her sadly before giving her a hug. "I'm so glad to have you", Hermione murmured into her hair.

"Please, I can't stand to see you this way. Don't you have any friends that know about this?"

Hermione sighed and sat down on her bed, Malfoy was still sitting, staring into the fire with a empty look in his eyes. Louisa followed her mode, and they layed down, staring at the stars. Then she told her friend everything. Louisa had the ability to listen like nobody else. She didn't say anything but watched Hermione with a eye that told her that everything was going to be okay. After talking Louisa hugged her arm.

"You'll always have me Hermione, you know that."

Her friend only nodded and they stared at the stars in the sky.

"Do you remember Journeys song?" Louisa asked and Hermione laughed. Of course she did. As a child that was all she listened to.

"_Just a small town girl, livin' in a lonely world_."

"_She took the midnight train goin' anywhere._" Louisa continued softly and waited on Hermione to sing.

"_Just a city boy, born and raised in south Detroit. He took the midnight train goin' anywhere. __A singer in a smokey room, a smell of wine and cheap parfume. For a smile they can share the night, it goes on and on and on and on._"

"_Strangers waiting, up and down the boulevard. Their shadows searching in the night. Streetlights people, living just to find emotion. Hiding, somewhere in the night._"

She smiled and stopped. Hermione did the same and everything almost felt the same, she felt like the little girl sitting in her fathers knee, listening to The Rolling Stones and The Beatles. She noticed that Malfoy had turned to them and smiled(yes, smiled). Hermione sighed and turned to her friend.

"It's soon time for dinner. We need to go."

"Are you coming back sometimes?" Lou asked and before Hermione could answer, Malfoy did.

"Yes we are."

* * *

The Gryffindor table stopped talking when Hermione walked in. She and Draco had said farewell to Lou and parted separate ways. Hermione had hurried down, forgetting her friends. But now, when she sat down beside Harry, she cursed herself for forgetting. They held their breaths for four seconds before screaming.

"I can't believe you made that sort of scene!" (Ron)

"Where were you?! We looked around the whole castle!" (Harry)

"Who was that girl?" (Patil)

"Hermione, please tell us!" (Ginny)

Hermione just breathed and stopped them with a hand.

"I'm sorry if I overreacted somehow. I was just shocked that you broke into my house. It was empty because, as you now, my parents are in Australia. Louisa is my friend, and I can't believe how stupid you were. They have deleted her memory so, nothing to worry about. Okay? I was with my friend the rest of the day. McGonagall needed me." A little lie couldn't hurt, could it? Or a few?

Ron and Harry relaxed and the rest at the table started chatting again. It was only Ginny who glared at her suspiciously. Hermione hoped that she would get over it. She saw Zabini at the end of the table and decided to follow Lous advice and talk to him about Malfoy.

* * *

At the Slytherin table, Blaise stared at his friend when he made his way over to him. Draco looked a little better than before, but he was still pale as a ghost.

"Where were you?" he asked as soon as Draco sat down. His eyes were red and Blaise clenched his jaw for not being able to ask what was wrong.

"In the library. It's better than to be in some boring classes. We had transfiguration with the Hufflepuffs today. I would have died."

Blaise didn't believe him. They ate in silence and he left the hall quickly just to bump into a Gryffindor. And not just any Gryffindor, but Granger. She looked as worn out as Draco, her hair was bushier than it used to be and she was pale as if she'd seen a ghost.

"Zabini, I need to talk to you", she said and looked around to see if anyone was watching them. Blaise was shocked to the least. What would the Gryffindor princess want with him? Yes, he was good looking but he didn't thought that she was the one to care. He only nodded in shock and she dragged him into an empty corridor.

"It's about Malfoy", she started and Blaises stared at her. _Please, say that you shagged him. Please please please. _They both looked horrible and Blaise would love for his friend to have some love in his life. He blushed slightly(wich didn't show in his dark face) and shook the thought away.

"His mother died today, and I think he needs your support."

She continued to talk but Blaise had stopped listening after the first sentence. Narcissa had died today? Blaise closed his eyes and tried to collect himself. Why, how? He breathed faster and turned to run inside the Great Hall, leaving Granger there, in the middle of an sentence.

Draco was still sitting at the table, drinking his juice slowly. Blaise almost dragged him down to the dungeons(he protested a lot) and placed Draco in a armchair. They stared at each other.

"Talk Draco."

"About what?" he ask with a cold voice and the insufferable bully from their second year dived forward.

"Granger told me", he said calmly. Draco started swearing and Blaise knew that the girl had spoken the truth.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked, hurt.

"I got the letter today, she hang herself."

Draco didn't seem to want to talk about it and after a half an hour they went to slepp.

Blaise realized that he'd never asked Granger how she knew.

* * *

**A/N**: Okay, it wasn't that long. Heh. The song was _Journey, Don't stop belivin'_.

Kisses, Emma.


	8. Tigerlily

**A/N**: Just deleted my other story so I think that I'll have more time for this. Again, sorry for the mistakes. Noticed them, but I can't promise to get better. You will just have to stand it. Kisses.

* * *

**Chapter eight**

_**Tigerlily**_

_I know you better than this_  
_I could be here when you call_  
_I'll make you top of the list_  
_And in the crush of the dark_  
_I'll be your light in the mist_  
_I can see you burning with desire_  
_For a kiss_  
_Psychobabble all upon your lips_

* * *

Christmas break, finally. Hermione hadn't seen much of Malfoy after that night and didn't search after him either. At the moment she was sitting in the common room, watching Ron and Harry playing wizard chess. Harry was quickly losing.

"Sure you don't want to come to burrow over christmas? Mum will be so sad", Ron said with candy in his mouth. Hermione knew that it was rubbish. Molly detested her.

"No, sorry. I'm going to spend it with my grandmother and grandfather", she didn't mention that her grandparents died when she was five. But she needed her privacy. And spending her christmas with Lou should be great.

"We're leaving at twelve, so don't forget to say goodbye", Ron said, distracted by the fact that Harry knight just took his tower. Hermione knew that he aimed at the fact that she was enchated by the book she was reading. She almost didn't have enough to murmur.

"It's a quarter to twelve."

The panic was hilarious. The chess overturned and landed on the ground, both Harry and Ron hurried forward to Hermione, kissing her on cheek(Ron somehow kissed her on the corner of her mouth _hrm_), and they said goodbye very fast before running down to meet up with Ginny, leaving her in an empty room. Hermione sighed and turned to her book again. After a while she got to bored of silence. _It's been like eight minutes and I already miss them_, Hermione thought sadly and rubbed her temple. She made her way down to the Great Hall and was surprised with how few people that were left. _People seem to miss their parents more and more_. Hermione scanned the tables and it landed on the Ravenclaw table. Luna sat there, happily enjoying her lunch. Hermione knew that her father had been sentenced not to meet her in a few years after trying to leave Harry to the death eaters. Her eyes continued to the Slytherin table and stopped there. Zabini was gone, of course, his parents weren't in Azkaban. But Malfoy sat there, with his head hanging and his eyes staring at his food, like it was some sort of frog porridge. His collarbones was visible because his shirt had slipt down. They were so white and so kissable. His hair looked like some kind of angelhair, almost white and it looked so soft. And his bod..._I'm going mental_. Hermione blushed and turned her head to the floor.

The girl had never been any..girlish. Books were her thing and clothes+make up was something idiots talked about. Nothing against Lavender and Parvati, but after sharing dorm with them in nearly seven years, Hermione had thought of killing them a few times. And a few seconds before she had caught herself staring at Draco Malfoy. Well, he wasn't ugly exact. _He's gorgeous_, she thought and then cursed herself mentally. _You're pathetic Hermione_.

She hadn't realized that she had stopped in the Great Hall, and the few eyes in the room was directed at her. The blush grew deeper and Hermione hurried to her table. The only ones left at the table in her year were Lavender, Dean Thomas, Seamus Finnigan and Parvati of course. The Ravenclaws were much more in people and Hermione sat down beside Parvati(she still couldn't stand Lavender) and put some salad on her plate. She wasn't hungry, even if she needed something to eat after the bloodloss. The other girls were in some kind of discussion about the yule ball. Hermione had always hated it, except her fourth year, and had never attended. Well, it wasn't like she had time for that. The most horrible did happen. Lavender realized that Hermione was there and decided to bring her into the conversation.

"Hermione, what are you going to wear?" she asked curiously and Hermione stopped in her movement before she collected herself.

"Erm, I'm not going. And isn't it to early to decide already? Christmas is in three days", when she stopped her sentence Hermione knew that something was wrong. three days? Oh. Lavender though did not seem to notice.

"Oh, but you must! Parvati and I are on a none-dating thing so you can go with us. Do you got any dresses?"

"Well, I think I got a few", she said before realizing that she know had somehow excepted going to the ball. _Fuck_.

And then, against her will, the girls dragged her out of the Great Hall to their dorms. Dean and Seamus mouthed 'poor thing' and Hermiones face fitted into a horror movie. _Oh Merlin, oh no no no._

After her breakdown, Hermiones room had been a mess. Clothes, books and paper were scattered all over the place and Parvati made huge eyes before cleaning it up with a few spells Hermione didn't know. She hated cleaning and had never even opened a book with such title. They searched through her wardrobe(but not before Hermione could hide things she didn't want them to see. Razors, texts and blooded clothes) and put out things that were acceptable. The pile was minimal and contained a black, short dress that her cousin had got her(_Not in a million years_), a blue long gown with saphires by her mom(_It looks like something the cat dragged in_) and at last the dress that Lavender called 'The perfect'. A forrestgreen dress with long arms down to her fingers that almost reached the floor and didn't made it hard to walk. It was hard watching at it, and Hermione had hid it in a few years. This was the dress she wore when her parents got married. They hadn't done it until Hermione was fifteen. The image made her eyes tear and she blinked them away.

"Oh Hermione, you must try it on!" Parvati cried and Hermione stared at her. No, she wasn't going through the pain again. She cleared her throat.

"I think I'll go with the blue one", she said with miserable voice and Lavender shot daggers at her with her eyes.

"No."

And that was the end of the discussion, even though it almost made Hermione cry. She swallowed and took her escape to the owlery. The familiar smell of feathers and droppings meet her nose but Hermione had gotten used to it in her third year. The difference was that then she had someone to write to. She patted her owl(that hadn't been used in a while)Lynx and gave her some toast to nibble on before she sat down in the cold tower, staring at the grey sky. It was freezing but Hermione put her cloak closer to her and could feel the thick material close to her skin. She heard foot steps and turned around to meet a panicking Malfoy with something empty in those silver eyes.

"Hi", she said weakly and he took a few steps back.

"I didn't know that you liked these idiots to animals", he said with a mocking voice. Hermione raised a brow.

"Well, they don't make fun of me or ignore me like others", she said. And just to prove that she was wrong, Lynx didn't even give her a look. She groaned inside and Malfoy smiled, even though it was a weak smile.

"You really shouldn't be here up by yourself. Someone could kill you. The famous Hermione Granger, killed in a owlery", he said and Hermione narrowed her eyes, trying hard not to look at him to much.

"Oh how I would love to see Weasels face if that would happen."

"Well, as long as he kept his fans I think he will do just fine."

"Bitter much?"

"Shut up Malfoy", she hissed and he smirked. It seemed like he really enjoyed this.

"Make me."

Hermione remaind speechless. A day ago he was crying.

"What made you on such good mood?" she asked.

"Well I was just going up to the owlery to send a letter to my lawyer when I met up with this stubborn know-it-all that I could tease."

"Well, the stubborn know-it-all doesn't appreciate it."

"How bad for her, because I'm not stopping", he said and sat own beside Hermione. She turned her head to him and stared at him, waiting for some new attack. But instead he started talking about christmas.

"What did Scarhead and Weasel think about you staying here during the break?" he asked and Hermione flinched. "Aha, they don't know, do they?" he asked with som genuine curiousity an Hermione shook her head.

"Just didn't want to spend christmas with people who ignore me", she responded and he nodded. She didn't even need to ask why he wasn't at home.

"How did Zabini take it?" she asked, knowing that she was out on thin ice. Malfoys lips pressed into a thin line.

"Well, he was asking a lot but all I could think about was how to kill you properly."

"It was Louisas idea, so kill her instead."

Malfoy softened at the name of her and Hermione knew that he taken a liking of the girl. Why did that bother her? He changed the subject.

"Oh Granger, do tell me why the gossiping ladies wanted with you? You looked like they were taking you to your execution."

"They might as well could have. They wanted me to try dresses."

He didn't laugh as she thought he would, but stayed silent, obviously thinking of something.

"They got a Hogsmeade weekend tommorow and I need some books. When Blaise isn't here, could you come with me?"

Hermione stared at him and he hurried himself to say: "You do like books right, bookworm? It isn't some kind of rumor that Potter has spread", he said and smirked at her offended expression.

"Of _course _I like books you jerk! Okay, I'm coming with you. But just to show you that you're a douchbag to my friends."

He murmured something that sounded like _Friends_ and she sighed deeply.

"What are we then?" she asked him and Malfoy stared at her, frowning.

"What do you mean?" he asked her and seemed very lost.

"I mean, are we friends or something like that?" she hurried up to say and Hermione stared at the floor to cover up her blush.

"No no no. Snogging would make us friends. Shagging would make us best friends. I think we are somewhat acquainted until you decided that we'll become friends", Malfoy grinned and Hermione just stared at him until she snorted.

"Having a big ego, mister Malfoy?" she asked and he frowned.

"I'm talking out of experience miss Granger", he said with a deep gentlemenvoice wich made her laugh. It was funny, how he could make her feel somehow happy. The insight made her mentally freeze.

"Of course you do. Because you are so popular, aren't you?"

"Well, if you put it that way. Yes. The ladys adore me sweetheart."

Maybe it was the nickname or the voice he said it in but she laughed once more. Then she froze, now physically. In the closest months this was the conversation she wanted to avoid with her friends, and now her she was with no less than Draco Malfoy. _Merlin, my life is fucked up._

Malfoy knocked on her shoulder.

"You dozed off. Am I such bad company?" he asked, pretending to be hurt. He seemed to be cover up the fact that he was indeed, hurt.

"No, sorry. Just tired. Wondering when my life got so distorted that I reject my own friends."

"I'm curious Granger, why didn't you go to your redheaded friends and talked? Why Hagrid?" Hermione took a deep breath.

"Becauseginnycantholdaconversationandharryworrytom uchandtellseveryoneireallydontwanttotalkwithron", she murmured and Malfoy looked at her with a confused expression.

"Excuse me Granger, but I didn't quite catch that."

"Ginny knows that something is wrong but I can't talk to her. She tells everything to Harry who's not good at that. He's always overreacting (Malfoy shot in"He should be overreacting!") and doesn't leave me alone. Except that, he got so much to do. Ron, just, oh god. No."

"Do you want to explain that in something that isn't Neanderthal?" he asked, his voice dripping with sarcasm. Hermione shot him a death glare but answered anyway.

"Ron loves the fame. Seriously adores it. He's in his honeymoon phase and doesn't care about anyone but himself..."

"Sounds like the same old Weasel."

"Stop calling him that! Anyway, he leaves everyone behind. And I'm only a interest to him as a lady. Harry and he are best friends so they still spend time. But I'm the third wheel."

When she said the words she realized how true they were. And it was so sad.

"Well, what did you say about bookstore?" she asked, changing the subject, and Malfoy seemed glad to do it.

* * *

**A/N**: 2305 words. Okay, I suck at long chapters. Hope you liked it.


	9. 21 Guns

**Chapter nine**

_**21 Guns**_

_ Does the pain weigh out the pride? And you look for a place to hide? Did someone break your heart inside? You're in ruins._

* * *

Lovely. Ball day. _I think I'm going to vomit_. Hermione stared at herself in the mirror with tears in her eyes. Parvati and Lavender had went to put on their own dresses and Hermione stared at her reflection. It was like being there again. The dress felt even hevier. She could move her fingers, but they looked more like wings of a butterfly under the green silk. The neckline was mildly high and round, showing a few of her freckles. Lavender had after an hours work tamed her hair and it was pulled back in a bun, with strands hanging from the sides. The make up was light and was near destruction because of her tears but it was quickly fixed with a wave with the wand. She wasn't wearing a purse with her so the necessary Hermione had hidden in the dress hem, invisible to the eye. She sighed deeply and tried not to think of her parents and the happy look on their faces. Hermione closed her eyes to collect herself. It didn't work any good because one second later the two other girls rushed inside, staring at her with big eyes.

Lavender was wearing some horrible pink dress with fur while Parvati looked like a peacock. _Oh god_, she thought when they made their way to the Great Hall. It was a great work. The stars shined in on the white trees. It was small spaces for ten people between every one. In the middle, drinks and stuff were set up and the band(Lovely pixies) played beside it. Now Hermione realized how many people that actually had stayed at Hogwarts. She had thought that it was a hundred persons, but it seemed like threehundred. The first years looked shy and the rest of the sixth and seven years were already mildly drunk. Two days before, Hermione thought that she was going to visit Hogsmeade with Malfoy, but it turned out that Parvati, Lavender, Dean and Seamus dragged her out when they realized that she was, indeed in Hogsmeade.

Dean and Seamus(who swerved) came forward and greated them.

"Damn, Hermione. You look just dashing", Seamus said and eyed her, wich made her feel very uncomfortable. Hermione excused her and made her way over to the drinks. _An hour, just an hour_, she told herself and breathed. It was then she saw him. He had company with Theodore Nott and Millicent Bulstrode(who acctually looked decent) and looked bored. The blonde hair was combed back and he was wearing a green, almost black dress robe that made his body look great. Hermione could already hear the girls whispering and staring. Draco caught her eye and froze. Hermione hurried to turn away and fill her goblet with punch, sniffing at it. _Firewhiskey, of course_, she thought but drank it anyway. She could take a amount of alcohol. _As long as I don't cross it_. She tried to forget about Draco and tried to find her company. But it was almost impossible so Hermione sneaked behind an empty grove and stood in the fake snow, breathing. Oh, it was the first time in months that she'd missed Harrys and Rons company. Harry with his intersting conversations and Ron with his humor. She missed them. The thought struck her and almost made her cry. But she didn't have the time until the trees started rustle and she jumped. In a few seconds Hermione threw her high-healed shoe and heard someone growl.

"Don't shot. It's just me", a familiar voice and Draco Malfoy appeared, holding her shoe in one hand. She blushed and put it on her left foot.

"Well, you can never be to sure, right?" she mumbled and looked at him. "You look nice."

"You look beautiful", he said and the blood rushed even faster up to her ears.

"Thanks. I wore it at my parents wedding."

"I wasn't talking about the dress but it's nice to."

Oh god. Hermione felt that her face soon would melt from the heat and turned around. She wanted someone to come in to the grove so she didn't need to be alone with him. _If this firewhiskey starts to work on my nerves I will soon do something that I will regret_, she muttered mentally and swallowed.

"I didn't know that you were going."

"Well, Nott made me. He's friends with Blaise and thought that a so handsome man like me shouldn't sit alone in my room. And he needed someone to ask the guys wich one plays for his team."

He sighed and Hermione laughed.

"Well I don't know about the handsome part.." she started and Draco looked offended.

"Yeah sure. You don't like what you see Granger?" he asked and didn't get an answer. Hermione just turned on her heal, getting a quick sight of Parvati.

"Sorry, but I need to go", she waved at him and hurried towards her friend, prepared to tell her that she was going to go back to her room when she bumped into Cormac McLaggen. _Fuck_.

He looked happy to see her. The feeling wasn't mutual. Hermione had avoided Cormac since her sixth year and had succeeded, until now.

"Hermione, it's great to see you!" he exclaimed and Hermione lost Parvati from sight. She put on a fake smile.

"Yes, it's great to see you to."

"It was a nice scene a few dys ago, wasn't it?" he asked, smirking. _Arse_.

"Well, my friends wasn't exactly happy, but with our N.E. , I got a lot to do and it's stressing. I'm so sorry Cormac, but I really need to go."

"Oh, how bad. But what do you say about catching up about lost time on a butterbeer?" he asked cheerily and Hermione groaned inwards. Catching up about one year. Pft. She just wanted him to go.

"Sure. I'm so sorry. Bye."

Hermione hurried down to the big dancing area were Parvati seemed to have a great time with Dean. They looked...hm. Very intimate. Hermione went silently up to her, knocking on her shoulder.

"Hrm?"

"Parvati, I'm going to head up to the room again."

"Already? But it's christmas."

"Yes, but I'm really tired and need to rest." _And I need to check on Louisa.'_

"Hrm", was all she got and Hermione sneaked out of the room, hurrying up to Louisas room. The centuar stared at her.

"Password?"

"Rabbit heart", she said and the door opened. The sight inside was not what she had waited for. Instead of finding Louisa sitting at a table with food waiting on them, she found Louisa _and _Malfoy sitting at a table with food waiting on them. Louisa was the first to notice her.

"Hermione!" she cried, hugging her friend. "Merry Christmas", she whispered in Hermiones ear. Hermione, who was at the least, shocked sat down beside Malfoy and nodded to him.

"I was acctually going down to the kitchen when I found him there and invited him", Louisa shrieked and Hermione did the best she could, smile. Lou seemed to accept it. The food was amazing and Hermione felt how hungry she acctually felt. Louisa was the one to start a conversation.

"How's school going?" she asked and Hermione told her a little about how stressed she was. Malfoy on the other hand just said that his grades were acceptable and that was it. Then the conversation went on by it self and suddenly the time was half past one.

"We really need to get going. In a few days the people are going to return and I need to study", Hermione said, smiling to her friend.

"Right, goodbye both of you."

Draco and Hermione walked down to the fourth floor. Of course it was only a few meters from Lous door to Hermiones, but she thought that it wouldn't be any nice to leave Malfoy alone. So they stopped at the fourth floor to say goodbye. But when Hermione turned to him, Malfoy just stared at her.

"Goodnight Malfoy", she said and he smiled.

"Goodnight."

But none of them moved. And when Malfoy took a small step forward, she didn't tell him no. When his lips met hers, Hermione realized how long she'd wanted it. The kiss was not slow or careful. It was fierce and demanding, like it had been waiting to long. Hermione took a grip around his waist, pulling him closer. He explored her mouth with his tounge and placed his hands around her hips. Draco pulled away and started kissing her at her neck and Hermione whimpered, bending her head backwards. She kissed his ear and their lips found each other again, their bodys entangled and it didn't stop. No, he cupped her chin kissed her more softer, and it was so slow and sweet that Hermione nearly fainted.

"Mrs. Norris! I know that you're in here. Come out darling. Don't hide."

They jerked apart and Draco pulled Hermione into a corner. Filch passed them, whispering to his cat and it wasn't until they couldn't hear his footsteps that Hermione was brave enough to ask.

"Do this mean that we're friends now?" she asked wich made him smile.

"Without doubt."


	10. Enjoy the silence

**This will be the shortest chapter ever. I don't believe that it will be more than 500 words. I'm really tired for the moment and this is just a input from Louisa. **

* * *

**Chapter ten**

_**Enjoy the silence**_

_All I ever wanted  
All I ever needed  
Is here in my arms  
Words are very unnecessary  
They can only do harm_

* * *

Peace. She needed peace. She craved peace. She wanted it. But now she got it. Louisa stared into the fire with tired eyes. She had never been much of a person that asked things from people. But now after sitting in a school for witches and wizards, all Louisa wanted to do was run and hide. She liked them of course. But they scared her. It was like they detested her. Like she was infected by a deadly disease. Hermione never understood that Louisa needed her as much as she needed her. They were like sisters. Louisa was still angry and hurt by the fact that Hermione kept that kind of secret from her. But the girl was forgiving and knew that she had good reasons not to tell Louisa.

When she was eight, her parents had died in a fire, leaving her behind with Jean Granger who helped her. Hermione and she practically grew up together. When Hermione started feeling that way she felt terrible. Like something in her heart broke. She had never known the true reason. Now, that she did everything was clear.

Louisa stretched her legs out, thinking of her conversation with Draco Malfoy. His life was almost worse than Hermiones. She had perceived a undertone in his story, that was much worse than what she had thought in the beginning. The only thing that had been positive in the conversation was his secret glances at the bathroom door that Hermione had been behind. The same thing during christmas. Even Louisa had to admit that her friend had looked amazing. But she knew why she looked sad. That was the dress Miss Granger had wore during her parents wedding. Louisas parents had been over religious and already married before getting a child. Louisa knew that her mother had been pregnant when she died and that hurt her more than anything else.

She stroked her hair back, leaning forward to a painting to the right of the fireplace that looked like a lady. She didn't move, but Louisa knew that it was the trick.

"I now that you're just trying to fool me Daphne."

The forest nymph moved her head to the girl. "They told me not to talk to you mi'lady."

"My friend told me about you."

"So she told me my story?" Daphne asked with a stern voice, eyeing the girl in front of her. Louisa shook her head. "I was a normal girl, a witch of course, that fell in love with the nature god Pan. Som people called him Faun. Of course he never loved me, just the forest. So I turned myself into a forest nymph to make him notice me. But he never did", she said bitterly. "And I was stuck, forever. Of course I don't blame him. I was young and stupid. But it still hurt after all these years."

Louisa stared at her with a curious look. The girl fascinated her.

"I'm sorry", she answered after a while with mild voice. Daphnes face softened.

"Don't be my child. I'm close to the nature and I got love in every little tree that grows. Sometimes we just have to accept that we don't always get what we want, but maybe, just maybe, we can get something else, something almost better."

* * *

**A/N: **Like I said, really short one.


	11. You just haven't earned it yet, baby

**Chapter eleven**

_**You just haven't earned it yet, baby**_

_Today I am remembering the time  
When they pulled me back  
And held me down  
And looked me in the eyes and said  
You just haven't earned it yet, baby _

* * *

Her hands shook and Hermione stared at the parchment in front of her. It was a week into the term and she hadn't said a word to Draco. She blamed the night on being almost drugged at the late hour. Oh god, she couldn't realise that she acctually had kissed him. She couldn't even look into his eyes without almost swallowing her pride completly. But now this. _This_. Her eyes started to fill with tears. People had begun to stare but she didn't even care. It was only the blondes grey eyes that watched her carefully that cared. Her fingers trembled. The letter had come with the morning mail and before Hermione had almost been alright. The last weeks she ha ignored both Louisa, Draco and her friends. Louisa had been quite bored but accepted, Draco didn't talk or look at her at all, wich almost was worse than him loathing her and her unfriendly manners to Ginny and Harry weren't exactly new.

_Dear, Hermione._

_It's been a few years since I wrote to you. Last time we saw each other was in fourth grade. I remember you following Lucas home, and you were laughing and jumping around. You were so happy. After you decided to go to that private school of yours, he was never the same. But at your breaks you always made time for him. Except now. Louisa told him something about you. I do not now what, but suddenly that sadness became terrifying. Mom and dad visited a lot of psychologists with him but he didn't say a word. Do you know how many times he would walk past your house, hoping that you would be home? Two days ago we found him. He shot himself. Don't blame yourself, it wasn't only you. With our sister dying, he walked into a black and white word. We found three letters in his room. He had taken his chance when I, my mother and my father had been on the market, bying those delicious fruits. When we got home, everything felt empty. Mom called for him, but Lucas didn't answer. Back to the three letters. I can't send it with you, but I'll write it down, and I am very sorry for interrupting something personal. The other two were to me and the last to my parents._

_'Hermione,_

_I do not know how to start this letter, I don't even know if you are going to get it. But I've written so many letters to you that I've never sent. I'll just hope that you get this. It's been four years since our last meeting. Last year, Eleonora died of cancer. And I couldn't do anything. I love you Hermione. And don't take that as a normal saying between friends. I love you. It's hard just writing it. I have loved you since our childhood. Good, you were so beautiful the first day in school. I begun in our second year. People were scared of you but I thought that you were just lovely. Remember how I asked you to be my friend, and that you with big eyes said'"Yes"'. And then, that private school. Did you know that it was on that night that I would've told you my feelings? But you were so happy, you've gotten into a great school and would attend there almost all year. And I couldn't do that to you._

_Every day I went to your house, it felt so empty without you. A few months ago, Lou turned up on my doorstep, telling me about your problems. And it hurt so much that you couldn't tell why you felt that way. When you read this I'm probably going to be dead(I acctually used that sentence), and I want you to know. I love you, Hermione Jean. I love you more than I can write. Good bye._

_Lucas'_

_I almost cried after reading it, because it was covered with tears and blood. Hermione, next time that you're in town, please pay us a visit. Mum and dad are crushed, trying to survive. Miss you._

_Theresa_

Hermione stared at it, read it over and over, the tears blurring her view. Lucas Chester. One of her best mugglefriends. Dead. Shot. Suicide. The words flew in her mind and Hermione stood.

"What is it Hermione?" Ginny asked, wich brought her back to reality. The tears took control and Hermione rushed out of ther hall, the letter clasped tightly in her hand. _I love you_. Oh god. She couldn't breath. It wasn't until she was outside Hogwarts that she began to weep. She would miss her first lesson, but for the first time, the girl didn't care. She rushed down over what was left of the snow, down to Hagrids hut. _I love you_. She couldn't do this. Hagrid had a lesson. She turned on her heel, running against the stones were she had punched Draco in their third year. There, she shrunk down, crying. _I love you_.

"What the hell do you expect me to do?!" she screamed out, grabbing her hair and putting her head in her hands. This wasn't life. This wasn't it. Life was supposed to be something good. The cold stone against her neck felt like burning cold, and the tears had almost become frost.

"Hermione?" an anguish voice said. She opened her eyes to see Draco in front of her. She stared at him.

"Get out."

"Wha..."

"I said GET OUT. I DON'T WANT YOU HERE! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?!"

"I thought we were friends. I thought.."

"THOUGHT WHAT? THAT ONE KISS AND EVERYTHING IS YES PERFECT. BUT IT ISN'T. I DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU, MALFOY. GET AWAY!"

She screamed, but her voice broke in the end and she began crying again. She could almost hear him getting hurt. _I love you._

"If that's what you want."

And the footsteps was muffled by the snow, leaving her to sob, all alone.

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**A/N**: I am so so so sorry. I've had a lot of things to do and soon school starts, and god, then it's going to be hell. This was a very short chapter and I really think that this story is beginning to be very desperat. Please tell me your thoughts.


	12. Hit me with your best shot

I've reached 10k views. Yey! I don't really understand why. Acctually thought of stop writing this story, but then you guys seemed to like it. So yes, I'm continuing. But school has started and it's a rough term so I won't write much at all.

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**Chapter eleven**

_**Hit me with your best shot**_

_You don't fight fair  
But that's OK, see if I care  
Knock me down, it's all in vain  
I'll get right back on my feet again_

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One week, two weeks, three weeks. That was how long Draco Malfoy could keep away from Hermione Granger. It hurt him that he had become somehow dependent on her. He saw her in class and walking around in the castle with her friends. But she never spared him a glance, she never watched him as he watched her. He couldn't stay away from her, even if he wanted to. When she cried, he felt like someone killed him, putting a dagger in his chest. It was late Saturday night and Draco was sitting in the room of requirement, in a blue couch with a book. But he couldn't concentrate. He just couldn't. He thought back on the kiss. Draco had kissed many girls in his life. But that one had been special. Like a ocean, dripping over him and then collapsed.

Louisas case was dropped and she was back in the muggle world. He missed her to, she was a great listener. Now he was all alone. His father in Azkaban, his mother dead an now Hermione. Blaises support didn't help him. It just made him even more aware of how alone he was. He looked at the book in his hands. _The tales of beedle the bard_. This was the true version. Not the horrible ones his mother had told him. The ones when the muggles were horrible and stupid.

_There was once a handsome, rich and talented young warlock, who observed that his friends grew foolish when they fell in love, gambolling and preening, losing their appetites and their dignity. The young warlock resolved never to fall prey to such weakness and employed Dark Arts to ensure his immunity. Unaware of his secret, the warlock's family laughed at him so aloof and cold.  
'All will change,' they prophesied 'when a maid catches his fancy!'  
But the young warlock's fancy remained untouched. Though many maiden was intrigued by his haughty mien, and employed her most subtle arts to please him, none succeeded in touching his heart. The warlock glored in his indifference and the sagacity that produced it.  
The first freshness of youth waned, and the warlock's peers began to wed, and then to bring forth children.  
'Their hearts must be husks,' he sneered inwardly, as he observed the antics of the young parents around him, 'shrivelled by the demands of these mewling offspring!'_

_And once again he congratulated himself upon the wisdom of his early choice.  
In due course, the warlock's aged parents died. Their son did not mourn them; on the contrary, he considered himself blessed by their demise. Now he reigned alone in their castle. Having transferred his greatest treasure to the deepest dungeon, he gave himself over to a life of ease and plenty, his comfort the only aim of his many servants._

_The warlock was sure that he must be an object of imense envy to all who beheld his splendid and untroubled solitude. Fierce were his anger and chagrin, when he overheard two of his lackeys discussing their master on day.  
The first servant expressed pity for the warlock who, with all his wealth and power, was yet beloved by nobody. But his companion jeered, asking why a man with so much gold and a palatial castle to his name had been unable to attract a wife.  
Their words dealt dreadful blows to the warlock's pride._

_He resolved at once to take a wife, and that she would be a wife superior to all others. She would possess astounding beauty, exciting envy and desire in every man who beheld her; she would spring from magical lineage, so that their offspring would inherit outstanding magical gifts; and she would have wealth at least equal to his own, so that his comfortable existence would be assured, in spite of additions to his household._

_It might have taken the warlock fifty years to find such woen, yet it happened that the very day after he decided to seek her, a maiden answering his every wish arrived in the neighbourhood to visit her kinsfolk. She was a witch of prodigious skill an possessed much gold. Her beauty was such that it tugged at the heart of every man who set eyes on her; of every man, that is, except one. The warlock's heart felt nothing at all. Nevertheless, she was the price he sought, so he began to pay her court._

_All who noticed the warlock's change in manners were amazed, and told the maiden that she had succeeded what a hundred had failed. The young woman herself was both fascinated and repelled by the warlock's attentions. She sensed the coldness that lay behind the warmth of his flattery, and had never met a man so strange and remote. Her kinsfolk, however, deemed theirs a most suitable match and, eager to promote it, accepted the warlock's invitation to a great feast in the maiden's honour._

_The table was laden with silver and gold bearing the finest wines and the most sumtuous foods. Minstrels strummed on silk-stringed lutes and a sang of love their master had never felt. The maiden sat upon a throne beside the warlock, who spake low, employing words of tenderness he had stolen from the poets, without any idea of their true meaning._

_The maiden listened, puzzled, and finally replied, 'You speak well, Warlock, and I would be delighted by your attentions if only I thought you had a heart!'_

_The warlock smiled, and told her that she need not fear on that score. Bidding her follow, he led her from the feast, and down to the locked dungeon where he kept his greatest treasure. Here, in an enchanted crystal casket, was the warlock's beating heart._

_Long since disconnected from eyes, ears and fingers, it had never fallen prey to beauty, or to a musical voice, to the feel of silken skin. The maiden was terrified by the sight of it, for the heart was shrunken and covered in long black hair._

_'Oh, what have you done?' she lamented. 'Put it back where it belongs, I beseech you!'_

_Seeing that this was necessary to please her, the warlock drew his wand, unlocked the crystal casket, sliced open his own breast and replaced the hairy heart in the empty cavity it had once occupied._

_'Now you are healed and will know true love!' cried the maiden, and she embraced him._

_The touch of her soft white arms, the sound of her breath in his ear, the scent of her heave gold hair: all pierced the newly awakened heart like spears. But it had grown strange during its long exile, blind and savage in the darkness to wich it had been condemned, and its appetites had grown powerful and perverse.  
The guests at the feast had noticed the abscence of their host and the maiden. At first untroubled, they grew anxious as the hours passed, and finally begain to search the caslte. They found the dungeon at last, and a most dreadful sight awaited them there._

_The maiden lay dead upon the floor, her breast cut open, and beside her crouched the mad warlock, holding in one bloody hand a great, smooth, shining scarlet heart, which he licked and stroked, vowing to exchange it for his own.  
In his other hand, he held his wnad, trying to coax from his own chest the shrivelled, hairy heart. But the hairy heart was stronger than he was, and refused to relinquish its hold upon his senses or to return to the coffin in wich it had been locked for so long. _

_Before the horror-struck eyes of his guests, the warlock cast aside his wand, and seized a silver dagger. Vowing never to be mastered by his own heart, he hacked it from his chest. For one moment, the warlock knelt triumphant, with a heart clutched in each hand; then he fell across the maiden's body, and died._

Draco stared at the fairytale, wich he had been told so many times. It had always been his favorite one. But now, it had another meaning in his life. It was like that he felt around Granger. Like he needed to hack out his own heart before it took over him. But he couldn't do that. He couldn't steer away from the girl who had enchanted him.

The door opened and Draco quickly shut the book just to meet to hazel eyes.

"Granger."

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**A/N: This text is taken from the tales of beedle the bard. I have the book and did not copy from a website. I wrote this by hand and they hurt very much. Oh.**

**And I would love if you read my latest Dramione-fanfic. I'm acctually happy with it. The masquerade. You'll find it on my profile.  
**


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